The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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