my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
