the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
