Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
