I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
