im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
