it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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