smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
