I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
