I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
