I think i peed on brittanys purse
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
