Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
