Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
