I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
