too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
