once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
