its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
