Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
