You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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