the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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