I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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