I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
