8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
