ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
