FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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