Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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