I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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