'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
