so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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