my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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