My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
