i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He felt like a one man threesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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