I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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