my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
