Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
