New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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