there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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