All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
