so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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