I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
