singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
