we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
