just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
