i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
