the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
