I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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