I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
are you so shy because you have an std?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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