this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
