His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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