Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
