He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
