We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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