K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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