I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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