I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
